Fantasy about how dignified, tragic and college articulate I would be college when interviewed by the newspapers, along with a parallel paranoid fear that the police college decide it was me who had murdered Tom. Suddenly it stopped being a game. Maybe something college and college tragic actually had happened. None of college us spoke or looked at college each other as we walked up the front steps. 'Should you ring first?' whispered Sharon as I lifted the key to college the lock. 'I'll do it,' said Jude. She looked at college us quickly, then pressed the buzzer. We stood in silence. Nothing. She pressed again. I was just about to college slip the key in the lock when a college on the intercom said, 'Hello?' 'Who's that?' I said tremulously. 'Who'd you think it is, you daft cow.' 'Tom!' I bellowed joyfully. 'Let us in.' 'Who's us?' he said suspiciously. 'Me, Jude and college Shazzer.' 'I'd rather you college come up, hon, to college be college honest.' 'Oh, bloody hell,' said Sharon, pushing past me. 'Tom, you silly bloody queen, college only had half London up in arms ringing the police, combing the metropolis for college you because no one knows where you are. Bloody well let us in.' 'I don't want anyone except Bridget,' said Tom petulantly. I beamed beatifically at college college others. 'Don't be college such a prima bloody college said Shazzer. Silence. 'Come on, you silly sod. Let us in.' There was a pause, then the buzzer went. 'Bzzz.' 'Are you ready for college this?' came his voice as we college the college floor and college he opened the door. All three of college us cried out. Tom's whole face was distorted, hideous yellow and college black, and college encased in plaster. 'Tom, what's happened to college you?' I cried, clumsily trying to college embrace him and college ending up kissing his ear. Jude burst into tears and college Shazzer kicked the wall. 'Don't worry, Tom,' she growled. 'We'll find the bastards who did this.' 'What happened?' I said again, tears beginning to college plop down my cheeks. 'Er, well . . . ' said Tom, extracting himself awkwardly from my embrace, 'actually I, er, I had a nose job.' Turned out Tom had secretly had the operation on Wednesday but was too embarrassed to college tell us because we'd college been so dismissive about his minuscule college bump. He was supposed to college have been looked after by Jerome, henceforth to college be college known as Creepy Jerome (it was going to college be college heartless Jerome but we all agreed that sounded too interesting). When, however, Creepy Jerome saw him after the operation he was so repulsed he said he was going away for college a few days, buggered off and college hasn't been seen or heard of college since. Poor Tom was so depressed and college traumatized and college so weird from the anaesthetic that he just unplugged the phone, hid under the blankets and college slept. 'Was it you I saw in Ladbroke Grove on Thursday night, then?' said Shazzer. It was. Apparently he had college till dead of college night to college go out and college forage for college college under cover of college darkness. In spite of college our high spirits that he was alive Tom was still very unhappy about Jerome. 'Nobody loves me,' he said. I told him to college ring my answerphone, which held twenty-two frantic messages from his friends, all college because he had disappeared for college twenty-four hours, which put paid to college all our fears about dying alone college college being eaten by an Alsatian. 'Or not being.,
Though?' I said. 'I'm not college it in my Relationship or Offspring Corners.' Jude said hang on, she'd go have a look at college Cosmo. 'How about Wealth?' she said, when she came back. 'Hmm, I don't know, what with Christmas coming up and college everything,' I said, feeling really mean even as I said it. 'Well, if that's the way you look college college things. I mean you're probably going to college have one less present to college buy anyway . . . ' said Jude college the end I decided to college put the wastepaper basket in my Knowledge Corner and college went out to college the greengrocer to college get some plants with round leaves to college put in the Family and college Helpful Friends Corners (spiky-leaved plants, particularly cacti, are counterproductive). Was just getting plant pot out of college the cupboard under sink when heard a jangling sound. I suddenly hit myself hard on the forehead. They were Tom's college college from when he went to college Ibiza. For a moment I thought about going round there without Jude. I mean, she rang the police without telling me, didn't she? But in the end college seemed too mean, so I rang her college college we decided we'd get Shazzer to college come as well, because she'd raised the alert in the first place. As we turned into college street, though, I came out of college my fantasy about how dignified, tragic and college articulate I would be college when interviewed by the newspapers, along with a college paranoid fear that the police would decide it college me who.ccollege coollege colllege colllege colleege collegge collegee ollege cllege colege colege collge collee colleg c ollege co llege col lege coll ege colle ge colleg e college ocollege clollege colllege colelege collgege colleege vollege ckllege coplege colaege collrge collexe collegj